The Death of Should

You Should do this,
You Should do that.
Living up to others’ expectations,
To what They say I Should do/be/make.
A roadmap
Of where I Should be in my life.
I Should graduate when I’m 21.
I Should be married by 25.
I Should have my children
– Two of them,
– One of each,
By the time I’m 30.
And of course
I Should be building my career as I do all this –
Shouldn’t waste that degree.
Our mothers did it;
We should do it.

Fifty-five years of Shoulds.
Trying to live up to others’ ideals.
I didn’t even take the time, make the effort
To figure out
What I wanted to do,
What I needed to do.
I just did what I Should.
At some point, I fell so far behind
On what I Should do/be/make,
I just collapsed, cried, went numb
Because this Shouldn’t be happening.

Liberation came
When I dropped the word Should
When I started living my life
In terms of Needs and Wants.
I Need to eat, I Need to sleep,
I Want to travel, I Want to write.
Should has died to me,
And Need and Want now rule my life.

Would I do things the same way
If I’d lived for Needs and Wants for fifty-five years?
Maybe.
But those would have been my decisions,
My commitments,
Not just what I Should.

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Ships that Pass in the Night

So I did the thing. I published my novella, “Ships that Pass in the Night” on Kindle. If you search for it by name, or search for “Laura McGinnis” it should come up.

Let me know what you think.

The synopsis:

Clair is a pediatric oncology nurse on her way to professional and personal burnout. Gerri is a middle school math teacher in New York City. They meet and fall in love while cruising in Alaska. The catch: they’re on different ships.

How can they make their budding relationship work, separated by the sea?

I am Missing You

I woke up today,

Remembering my empty dream,

Back when we were friends.

I am missing you.

What happened? Why don’t you call?

Why are we not friends?

Did I do something?

Or did we just grow apart?

I wish you would call,

Or I had the strength,

The guts and the confidence

To reach out to you.

Would you be happy?

Or would I be rejected?

What did I do wrong?